how to be less emotional

How to Be Less Emotional

Are you one of those people who cry at the slightest thing? Do things upset you easily or do you find it difficult to regulate your emotions when you are around others? It is only natural to feel emotional at times but if you are worried that you are over-emotional and it is causing you embarrassment or upsetting you or other people then learning how to control them can be extremely important. It is possible to learn how to be less emotional with a holistic approach to resolving your problem. Here’s why you may be having problems and what you can do about it.

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What Causes a Person to Be so Emotional?

Everyone will have different reasons for feeling too emotional. Genetics can play a part but here are just a few other factors that could be creating an issue:

  • Mental Health IssuesAnxiety, depression, bipolar disorder or more severe mental health problems
  • StressStress is a huge factor behind many people’s strong emotions
  • Bereavement – Grief can impact your emotions for years in some cases
  • Trauma – Past or present traumas can create upset
  • Illness – Either the illness creates the problem or the worry related to being sick
  • Bullying or Violence – Clearly being picked upon can have an impact on your well-being
  • Hormones – Certain hormonal issues can impact our emotional health
  • Relationships – How you interact with other people can determine your emotions
  • Sleep – If you don’t get enough sleep it can create problems
  • Lifestyle – Too many dramas, drinking, taking drugs. Lifestyle issues have a big place in emotional issues
  • Low Self-Esteem & Confidence – If you suffer from low self-esteem and confidence it can make you more easily upset

As therapists, we may not be able to deal with medical issues but we can help with many of the other factors that might be creating a problem. The key to controlling emotions is working with our clients to determine where the problems may lie so that we can pinpoint treatment at the exact problem. It is entirely possible that two or three issues have combined to create the issue. Learning how to be less emotional involves a holistic approach because many aspects of your life can combine to create an unwanted response.

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Emotional Regulation Disorder

It is worth mentioning the term emotional regulation disorder whilst we are on the topic. This disorder is related to the inability to control emotions particularly because of issues in relationships. The emotional outbursts or upsets can be because of a family member, a partner or even close friends who may be the trigger point. Emotional regulation disorder is linked with mental health issues such as PTSD, and Borderline personality disorder. If you have this particular issue you are likely to need specialist help in resolving your problems through a referral from your doctor.

How to Stop Being Emotional

So how can we help people learn how to be less emotional? Well, we start by determining in an assessment where the problems may lie so we can start to tackle the underlying causes of the problem. You can start to do this at home as well by using a journal to track your moods as well as noting any possible areas that might be creating problems in your life.

Look at the list of reasons why people are emotional and start to check how many of them apply to you. Check-in with yourself every couple of days to see if you have forgotten to note anything down and build a picture of what might be creating your problems. When you have built your list begin to look at what you can start to change immediately to see if that makes a difference. Then slowly work through the other elements where possible to continue your journey. Get outside help if you get stuck or can’t see a way forward.

Therapists are great at helping with issues such as anxiety or depression. We help our clients manage stress levels and get better sleep. We can assist in building self-confidence and self-esteem. When we start to address each of the issues that are creating a problem we are chipping away at the problem so that our clients begin to feel calmer and more in control.

A self-hypnosis stress and relaxation download can make a big difference. We get our clients to listen to our audio downloads daily and it can make a significant change to their emotional responses. They usually report that they feel calmer, more relaxed and no longer sweat the small stuff. They also tend to find it helps improve their sleep. You can purchase the download we use in our online store.

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How to Control Emotions and Feelings at Work

A significant portion of issues related to work centre around stress levels, interactions with others as well as low self-esteem or self-worth. If you are feeling overwhelmed at times then start to take an external viewpoint on where the problems may lie.

If you are experiencing stress start to look at whether this comes from the company itself or from yourself. In many cases, we can create our own stress by pushing ourselves too the limits to prove something to others. If this is you then start taking a step back and putting in a few fewer hours. Working harder is not always smarter.

If your stress is coming from the company yourself ask if you can do something about it? Can you talk to your manager to adjust your workload? Is it possible to discuss problems with the HR department? If this is not possible what options do you have in terms of changing your circumstances? Remember you don’t have to stay at a company you can also find another job.

Problems with low self-esteem or self-worth can be worked at with self-help methods or with the assistance of a therapist. When you don’t feel good about yourself you start to question whether your work is up to scratch and worry about how you are perceived. If anything goes wrong you start to blame yourself and become hyper-critical. All of these things make you more emotional. In most cases, these issues are easily resolved with some outside assistance.

How to be Less Emotional in a Relationship

Relationships are another big area where learning how to be less emotional may be important. Before you start working on your problem however you need to take a long hard look at the person you are with and decide whether they are good for you. You are always going to feel emotional if your partner is verbally abusive, threatening or shows little interest in you.

When you are in a relationship that is going nowhere it can be hard to make the decision to leave. Especially if you have been putting up with someone who has chipped away at your self-confidence over the years. Remember if you are being told that you are ugly, useless, stupid by your partner it is them that has the problem, not you.

If your partner is actually loving and caring and you are still emotional then you need to identify what might be causing the problem. Do you have insecurity issues and worry that they could leave you? Do you fear they could be lying to you because of trust issues? Do you suffer from general anxiety and your relationship is one in a long list of fears and worries?

Remember it is always the underlying issue that needs to be resolved not the symptom which is the emotion. Find the problem and work on that and the emotional response will lessen.

how to be less emotional

Dealing with Emotions in the Moment

Whilst you are working on resolving the root causes of your emotions there are things that you can do if you feel too emotional in the moment. Follow these simple tactics to help you feel calmer and more relaxed.

Breathe – Take some slow deep breaths and take a little time out to evaluate what is going on. Don’t just follow your knee-jerk reaction as this may not be helpful. Instead, some time to examine what is making you feel emotional and decide whether it is worth getting upset about.

Distraction – Get your mind to busy itself with something else to prevent an emotional outburst. When we allow ourselves too much time to wallow in emotion we make it worse. Distraction serves as a way of taking your mind elsewhere.

Mindfulness – Use a simple mindfulness exercise to stop anxious feelings. When you are spending time focusing on the here and now you can’t allow your mind to catastrophise.

Spot the Difference – Learn the difference between criticism and constructive comments. There is no need to overreact if someone starts to question you or your work. Listen to what they have to say and take on board useful information.

Take Time Out – Remove yourself from the situation when you feel that emotion may completely overwhelm you. You don’t have to stay in a situation especially if it is one that is making you unhappy.

Learn – Learn from the emotion. Understand your trigger points and why the emotion might have appeared. Remember not all emotion is bad. Accept that sometimes emotions need to be released. If the emotion was one that was unnecessary work on the root of the problem.

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Therapy for Emotional Control

If you are having difficulty learning how to be less emotional with self-help methods then consider therapy as a great alternative. Our therapy sessions are designed to help our clients understand the underlying reasons for their issues so that change can take place. We can help with problems such as anxiety, stress, sleep, confidence and low self-esteem. To get more details of how we can help simply email us for more information about our programs.

You Might Also Want to Read:

10 Ways to Help a Bad Mental Health Day

How to Stop Caring What Other People Think

When Life Gets Hard – Do This

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how to be less emotional


Martina McKeough
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How to Be Less Emotional
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How to Be Less Emotional
Learn how to be less emotional at work and in relationships with our tips and strategies to make you less sensitive.
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Rewire The Mind
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