How to Know Your Worth
Do you know your worth? Do you undervalue yourself, think you are not good enough or believe that you are not worthy of having good things happen to you? You are not alone there are people all over the world who have exactly the same thoughts and feelings. The problem is that these thoughts are incorrect and have no basis in truth. So how exactly do you get to know what you are really worth in life?
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What Does Self-Worth Mean?
Lets first look at what self-worth actually means. The dictionary definition is as follows: “Self-worth is the opinion you have about yourself and the value you place on yourself. An example of self-worth is your belief that you are a good person who deserves good things or your belief that you are a bad person who deserves bad things.“
So if your opinion of yourself is that you are not a good person and don’t deserve a nice house, good job, loving partner or to achieve in life then what is likely to happen? Well, of course, it is going to impact your motivation, your abilities, performance and just about everything you do in life.
Henry Ford who created the first commercialised motor car had a famous saying, “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t – you’re right”. This famous quote demonstrates exactly how self-worth can work. If you believe you are not worthy of something you make that your reality. If you know your worth you do the complete opposite.
Where Does Self-Worth Come From?
Most of our self-worth comes from our early childhood experiences. As a child grows their interactions with others have an impact on how they feel about themselves. If you have had positive experiences and have been encouraged and made to feel worthy then that has a positive impact on your self-worth.
If however you had a number of experiences in early childhood that made you doubt yourself, made you feel like you were not good enough or not loved then they would have a negative impact on self-worth. Once you have that belief system as a child you take it with you into adulthood. These feelings often manifest themselves as anxiety or depression.
Examples of Positive and Negative Self-Worth
Imagine that as a child a little girl was encouraged by her parents to give anything a try. She used to go swimming every week and loved her time in the pool but knew she wasn’t fast enough to be in competitions. She also enjoyed dancing lessons and loved twirling around in her outfits. She had friends and fun and her parents never told her that she wasn’t swimming fast enough or winning medals. They were just glad she was happy.
As an adult, this attitude of giving anything a go stayed with her. She applied for a job that she shouldn’t have got but because she made the effort she was successful. She didn’t strive to be the best instead she was perfectly content knowing that she was valued at work. Her attitude made her happy and those good feelings permeated every part of her life.
Now let’s look at a true story about one of my former clients. As a child, this woman had rushed over to talk to her dad whilst he was cooking on a stove. She had been unaware that the saucepan handle was pointing the wrong way and was loose. She touched the handle by accident and some of the hot water went pouring over her brother who had been stood nearby. The child was petrified as the commotion happened around her. Her mum and dad were screaming and shouting and she felt as if she was the worst person in the world. She went and hid behind the sofa in fear and shame.
This moment started the belief that she was in some way bad. Not helped by her parents continuing to blame her for the accident rather than reassuring her that it had just been an accident. A few years later they divorced and all the little girl felt was that she was in some way to blame. She felt that she was no longer worthy of good things happening to her. Because of this she stopped trying at school and didn’t bother with her exams.
This person’s low self-worth had started as a child but as she grew those feelings came with her and had an impact on her relationships, her exams and her achievements. She was always fearful her partner would leave her because she wasn’t good enough. She worried about being made redundant at work if she did the wrong thing. This one incident has started a lifetime of problems including anxiety and low-esteem.
How to Discover Your Self-Worth
Self-worth comes from inside you and you will be pleased to know that it can be learned. If you want to know your self-worth then there are ways of discovering where it is hidden and making it grow.
Firstly you need to understand that your self-worth is not measured by money, social media likes, sporting achievements or exam success. It comes from inside you, being happy with how you are. Stop comparing yourself to others because if you do that you will always feel like a loser. Remember there is always someone more beautiful, richer or more intelligent than you and that is ok. The key is recognising that you also have value being just who you are.
Secondly, you need to find ways of challenging your inner-critic. This is the voice in your mind that gives you self-doubt or makes you anxious. Remember that what this voice tells you is not true. Find ways of challenging what it says and replacing those thoughts with something more positive instead.
Self-Worth in Relationships
You should not be defined by how a partner loves you but by how much you love yourself. Learning how to know your worth without getting your partners approval or acknowledgement is so important for your mental health.
Many partners do not shower you with love and kisses every minute of the day. Some do not reassure you by thanking you for everything you have done for them. If you have one of those partners and have low self-worth it can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that they don’t love or care for you.
Equally, it can also be easy to enter into a relationship with someone who shows you just a small amount of affection even though they are not right for you. This person seems to validate that you are ok so you stick with them because they make you feel better about yourself.
Many of my clients with low self-worth also end up in relationships with people who are not good enough for them. These people may be rude, overbearing, controlling or even abusive but the person with low self-worth feel that because they are bad or not good enough nobody else would want them.
If this is you then working on your self-worth and respect is hugely important. Nobody deserves an unhappy life with somebody they don’t love. A therapist can help you to learn your self-worth so that you take positive action for change.
Self-worth in Your Work & Career
Remember your self-worth does not have to be defined by the job that you do or your job title or the number of promotions that you have. You can still know your self-worth just by being you.
You can, however, stop negative feelings from preventing you from achieving your goals. If we go back to the Henry Ford quote if you believe you are not worthy of promotion or success then that is exactly what is likely to happen. You stop trying or give up and end up staying exactly where you are even though you may have a huge amount of potential.
Getting help to know your self-worth and overcoming unhelpful thought patterns could make a massive difference to your life.
Self-Worth and Appearance
Many people want to tie their self-worth into their appearance but this is not how it should be. A person with can have high self-worth no matter how they look.
Appearances also change over time. Your looks don’t last forever so relying on beauty is not going to help as you reach middle age. The body-positive movement in recent years has made huge strides in helping others to feel good about themselves. The iweigh community, for example, helps people to believe in themselves and feel good no matter what their age, gender or sexuality. Instagram has a huge movement of body-positive influencers changing how people think. Get on board to see how others are able to change their opinions of themselves and how they look.
If you are on social media follow those influencer’s that make you feel good about yourself rather than making you feel worse. Social media has an amazing ability to help you learn how to know your worth in some instances and to tear it down in others.
Chasing likes and validation for your posts can make you feel as if you are in never-ending competition with others to be the best. It doesn’t help that most social media posts only give you a snapshot of a moment and usually that picture is doctored so you never see the real story.
Limit your social media to influencers that make you feel good. Block people who are negative and critical. It always amazes me how people are always happy to say something on a post comment that they would never say to your face.
Finally, money does not define your self-worth either even though many people would like to believe it does. You can have millions of pounds in the bank and still feel a failure or not good enough if you compare yourself to the billionaire who lives nearby.
Low self-worth can, however, impact your bank balance. If you felt you were not good enough at school it would have been easy to stop trying to learn and failing your exams. This impacts your job prospects and earning potential.
I recently worked with a teenager who was about to fail her A levels who had stopped trying. Her family were worried as without the exams she wouldn’t get into university or get a good job. It turned out she had low self-worth because she was comparing herself to her high achieving siblings. Therapy helped her see that her path was just as valid and important as theirs. Learning that she was good enough helped her to pass her exams and get the university course of her choice.
Books for Self-Worth
Self-help books for self-worth can be useful in helping you change the way you think. Here are a few of my favourites:
Good Vibes, Good Life by Vex King who started the good vibes movement on social media is an international bestseller to teach you to feel better about yourself.
The Little Book of Good Enough by Eimear Zone works on a different principle and that is helping you to silence your inner critic that I talked about earlier.
Finally how about reading Self-love and Spiritual Alchemy by Dani Watson. This book wants to transform your mindset, strengthen your self-worth and manifest the life you desire.
Meditation for Self-Worth
A guided mediation for self-worth can also help to change the way you think subconsciously. My self-hypnosis download for confidence and self-esteem can be one useful self-help method. Listened to daily it can help to give you positive messages to make you believe in yourself and increase your self-esteem.
To buy your copy simply head over to my online store by following the link to get your copy.
Therapy for Self-Worth
Therapy for self-worth is a great way of finding out what may have happened to make you feel not good enough. By finding the underlying cause of the problem it can become easier to rationalise past events and change your thoughts around them.
When my client discussed the incident with the saucepan she finally understood what had begun her feelings of being a bad person. She was able to understand that the accident had not been her fault. She also knew that if one of her children had been in the same situation she would have reassured them and helped them get over the shock. This knowledge completely removed her old anxieties about herself. Now she has nothing standing in the way of her success.
Therapy can change the way you think in the most profound way. It can alter thought patterns that create barriers to success and happiness. Even better this transformative therapy can be carried out online.
If you would like to arrange sessions to know your true self-worth and to help remove negative feelings and behaviours simply fill out the form below to get more information about my programs.
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