How to Stop Caring What People Think
Do you worry about what others think about you? Have you spent time fretting about the things you had said and done and worried that others may judge you? Worrying about others and their opinions is a common anxiety and one that can be overcome with a mindset shift. Anxiety tends to make you overthink certain situations because it is concerned that you could do something that would upset or annoy someone else. It learned this behaviour in childhood and now it is running the same program in your mind. We want you to learn how to stop caring what people think by updating your automated thought processes and run new updated information.
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Why do We Care About What Others Think?
There are a number of reasons why we care about what others think. It all starts in childhood when our parents, teachers and elders teach us manners. We are praised when we do something well but when we do something wrong there are consequences. Usually, there is some form of punishment that is significant enough to make us not want to do that ever again. Every child experiences telling offs or embarrassments but for some, the incident happens at the wrong point in their development or is so significant that it is etched on the memory.
When the mind experiences a bigger trauma or upsets it registers the anxiety, fear, worry or embarrassment and tries to make sure that it doesn’t occur again. This thought process runs on autopilot in the back of your mind. It warns you not to say certain things, behave badly or make a fool of yourself. When this anxiety process runs unchecked it can start to create problems.
Let’s look at an example to show how this can happen. You are a small child and one day you go to your friend’s house and spy their new toy. You covet that toy and are jealous that your friend has one and you don’t. When you are on your way home you hide the toy in your backpack to play with at home. Even though you know you shouldn’t be doing it you are really quite young and still haven’t learned enough about right from wrong.
Later that afternoon your parents find the toy and make a huge scene about how bad you are for stealing the toy. You are marched back to the friend’s house and made to apologise. The friend and their parents seem to look at you as if you were the worst person in the world. You feel upset, embarrassed and humiliated and resolve to never do anything wrong or upset someone again.
After this moment your brain runs a program in the back of your brain which simply is ever upset someone again. This continues to run years later without you even thinking about it. The program hasn’t updated to say that you are not a small child now so you won’t make the same mistake. This program makes you anxious about upsetting people or doing the wrong thing. We teach our clients how to stop caring what people think by making them aware of the hidden programs.
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How to Let Go of What Others Think
Knowing why you have a problem can be one of the best ways of resolving unhelpful feelings. When your mind starts to remember why it put in place a program all those years ago it can start to think about the situation more rationally. In the example about the toy, your adult mind can note that you are not a thief and was just a little child who was jealous. Your mind doesn’t need you to continue to warn you because you are older and wiser and don’t go around stealing other peoples belongings.
Finding out why you have a program running can be helpful and is usually explored in therapy but what else could you do to help you learn how to stop caring what other people think?
How to Stop Caring
Here are five simple things you can start to do to stop the anxiety of worrying about others.
You Have a Choice About How You Think
The first thing you need to understand is that you actually have a choice about what you think about. If you wanted to you could allow your brain to think about something else far more important than other peoples opinions. When you understand that you have this control you can put your time and energy into something far more useful.
Start thinking about what is important in your life and what isn’t. Start to spend time thinking about what you want to achieve, where you want to live and who you want to be with. Let any thoughts that don’t fit into that pattern be put into the back of your mind where they can’t disturb you.
Work on Your Confidence
When you feel more confident in what you say and what you do these fears don’t have a place to disturb you. Confidence is not something that you are born with but a skill that we learn. You can start to work on yours.
Confidence comes in many shapes and sizes. You can be confident at work, in relationships, in what you say and in what you do. Think about the areas where you might have a problem and start to work on yourself. So if you have a worry about work learn some skills to put you at the top of your game or take some courses. If you are worried about what you say then go for public speaking sessions or see a confidence coach. When you are feeling confident in yourself it is harder to worry about what others might be thinking.
Remember You Don’t Need to Be Liked by Everyone
You simply can’t please all people all of the time. No matter what you try to do some people may also feel that it isn’t right and there is nothing you can do about that. In addition, some people are rude, humourless, judgemental or downright annoying. Why would you need to care what they think?
If you want to learn how to stop caring what people think you need to understand that not everyone is worth caring about. Don’t make room in your life for people who undermine you, upset you or belittle you. You are not someone’s punching bag! Start to do a detox of the people who are not adding anything to your life and don’t look back.
People’s Opinions are Not Always Correct
Just because someone has said something it doesn’t mean that is correct. A person’s opinion is just that a thought that has run through their mind that may have no actual basis in reality or fact.
At our clinics, we see plenty of people who have partners who put them down. They tell them they are wearing awful clothes, that they are stupid or that they are doing something the wrong way. The person giving these opinions is usually doing this because of their own insecurities and picking on something who is weaker than them. They do this for power and to feel superior and it undermines the confidence and self-esteem of the person who they are aiming the insults at.
Just because these people say these things doesn’t mean they are true. Who made them the fashion expert? Why is their way the only way? It isn’t of course which means that if someone starts to do this to you recognise that you can walk away. Anyone who deliberately goes out of their way to make you feel bad isn’t worth being with.
How to Love Yourself More By Boosting Self-Esteem and Self-Worth
The greatest way to learn how to stop caring what people think is by learning to boost your self-esteem and self-worth. When you believe in who you are and how you are then you have an impenetrable armour that is hard to get through.
Self-esteem is such an important factor in letting go of what other people think and not taking things personally. It makes a huge difference to your mental health as well.
Self-esteem is something that can be learned. We use hypnosis for self-esteem building as a way of changing negative thought patterns and creating a new way of thinking. You can also use positive affirmations to help you get used to saying nice things about yourself and drumming home the message that you are worth something! Why not self our self-hypnosis for confidence and self-esteem download to help you change your subconscious thinking.
How to Stop Caring How Others See You?
It is entirely possible to learn how to stop caring what people think especially when they should be of no concern at all. Therapy for anxiety or self-esteem issues can make a big difference in how you feel and change old unhelpful thought patterns. If you would like more information about our online therapy sessions simply fill out the forms below for more details.
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