Unbreakable confidence is something that we all want to have. It gives us the ability to approach the opposite sex, be successful at interviews, ask for a pay rise or take a calculated risk. Yet so many people lack even the most basic levels of confidence and self-esteem because they have psychological barriers which are preventing success. Break down those self-constructed mental barriers and your life changes for the better. Leave them up and you spend your life feeling stuck, frustrated and hard done by.

What is a Lack of Confidence?

When I talk to my clients about confidence I educate them on what the real problem is, anxiety! Even though people talk about a lack of confidence what they really mean is that I am too anxious to talk to someone new, apply for that job or approach that person in a bar.

Anxiety is our inbuilt safety mechanism that is designed to keep us safe from embarrassment, problematic or scary situations that may cause us some danger. At some point in your life, you experienced a moment that embarrassed, upset or scared you and your mind learned a simple lesson. I never want that to happen again. From that point on that part of your mind has been looking out for you by preventing you from experiencing anything similar.

The only problem is that you probably learned this safety behaviour as a child where you had no control over a situation or you misunderstood what was happening. As an adult the chances are you would not feel the same anxiety if the issue happened again but your brain is still treating you as if you are the little kid.

Lack of Confidence How it Happens

Here are just some of the ways that this problem may have started.

You are a small child with loads of confidence and then you are asked to be in the school play. You are on stage and you forget your lines and everyone laughs at you. After this, your natural unbreakable confidence turns to fear at the thought of ever standing up in front of others again and making a mistake. From that point on you will do anything you can to avoid a similar situation.

Alternatively, you have moved house as a child to another part of the country and you have a strong regional accent that is different to your new local area. The local children make fun of you for sounding different so you try and hide away from them as much as you can to avoid the embarrassment.

In almost every case that I see a lack of confidence is created in childhood. The key to rebuilding that confidence is by helping my clients understand past events that may have caused them a problem and teaching them to think about that event with new thought processes. This allows them to learn how they can handle situations differently and take back control over their fears.

Confidence Tips

Always remember that at some point in your life you will have had all the unbreakable confidence you ever needed. That was until a situation or person came along to change your thought processes. You are not naturally shy or weak or stupid. You simply learned a safety behaviour to avoid a danger or upsetting situation. That means that it is perfectly possible to change the old safety habit into something more helpful.

So how can you break the habit of anxiety and low confidence?

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Many people with low confidence look at people more beautiful, rich or intelligent than themselves and feel that they simply don’t measure up. They create an idealised version of what confidence should be and because it feels so far removed from where they are now that they give up before they start.

Comparing yourself to a tiny percentage of people is a great way of making yourself feel bad. Instead, concentrate on making some small steps at breaking out of your comfort zone. Ignore those around you and work on yourself. The more your build your confidence the more you can achieve without being hampered by impossible comparisons.

Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Nobody achieved confidence by staying in their comfort zone. If you have a lack of confidence I bet that you have done at least some of these:

• Avoided parties
• Taken lunch breaks alone
• Not bothered to apply for a job in case you didn’t get it
• Avoided relationships
• Never asked for a pay rise
• Avoided confrontations
• You don’t speak up in conversations
• You give up before you have really started
• You over analyse what people say about you

By staying in the same old rut you will never create positive change or unbreakable confidence. The key is pushing yourself slowly out of your comfort zone. Start slowly and start to nudge at your limits. This helps to grow your confidence. As your confidence grows it will become easier and easier to take things further.

Challenge Negative Self-Talk

We all have a self-critical voice in our heads that tells us we can’t do things or criticises us when we get things wrong. It can be easy to give in to this voice and allow it to overwhelm us and stop doing anything at all. The only problem is that this voice is not only not helpful if often lies to us. When you choose to ignore it and push on through it is often proved incorrect. Write down what yous is telling you and then challenge it. When you do it can be amazing what you may achieve.

Self-Hypnosis for Confidence

Want to build unbreakable confidence they think about using self-hypnosis. Self-hypnosis for confidence uses affirmations, positive suggestions and visualisation to help change the way you think.

Never discount the power of practising how you want to be in your mind. Just about every elite sports personality now uses mind coaching to alter how they perform.

I have just finished working with a swimmer who was having problems with their confidence in their ability to compete. In just two hours I was able to take him from a person who was about to totally give up to be a winner who had broken his personal bests. In fact, his turnaround and times were so significant he told me that if this had happened in a competition he would have been drug tested! Never discount the power of the mind to help you naturally change what you can achieve.

Interested in trying self-hypnosis for confidence for yourself? You can purchase my online self-confidence audio download in our online store.

Work on Your Strengths

We all have things that we are not good at but also plenty of things that we can do either competently or really well. The key to building confidence is understanding that we don’t need to be great at everything. Most managers rise to the top not because they are great at what they do but because they delegate to others beneath them. Find out what you can pass on to others to do and then work on what you know you can do.

Ditch the Perfectionism

Many people with a lack of confidence worry about completing tasks or doing things in case they get them wrong or make a mistake. They believe that everything has to go perfectly otherwise it would be considered a failure. This is black and white thinking.

The reality is that everyone makes mistakes the key is not to focus on every little thing you got wrong but what went right. Most of the time people won’t even notice what you have done even though in your mind they were all staring or laughing.

A great example of someone owning their mistakes was Naomi Campbell on the catwalk for Vivienne Westwood. She marched out in front of everyone and stumbled on her ridiculously high shoes. As the whole world stared in horror she began to laugh, brushed herself down and got back up and carried on going. The publicity both she and the designer got from that moment was worth a fortune.

Change Your Body Language and Clothes

If you look at many people with a lack of confidence they try to be invisible. They dress in clothes that don’t make them stand out or deliberately choose clothes that will make them blend in. In addition, their body language is closed in. It is not unusual to note that they are slouching or that they keep their eyes glued to the ground rather than facing others.

By switching up the clothes you wear and holding your head up high you are naturally changing how you feel. Make it a habit to choose clothes you like rather than ones that make you fit them. Practice changing your posture and walking with your head held high as it can make a big difference and create unbreakable confidence.

Confidence Courses and Training

The great thing about confidence is that it can be learned. It is totally possible to change the way you think with some professional help. I run online confidence courses and training to help my clients achieve their goals and reach their potential.

Interested in getting help? Simply fill out the form below for more details about how I coach my clients to change the way they think about themselves so they build unshakable confidence.

You might also want to read:

How to Build Confidence at Work

Therapy for Stress Management

How to Stay Calm in a Crisis

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